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Friday, October 24, 2008

Ode to Guitar Hero And Its Ilk

And now, AuthorQuest Theater presents Some Complaints About Rock Rhythm Games - a Monologue in four (4) Parts.

To Guitar Hero III: Is it too much to ask for some more 90's songs in there, like Guitar Hero II had? I understand that Santana's a guitar legend, and I like The Who, but I was born in 1981. I don't listen to Blue Oyster Cult or Cream, and I don't know who Mountain or Priestess are. Also, quit catering to fad bands like The Killers and AFI. Give me some songs I want to play. You're trying to please everyone, but you end up pleasing no one. Put some 90's alternative in there, for Christ's sake.

Also, ALL the songs should be available to play in any form. There's no reason not to, the code is already there, you just need to set up the route to it. Why did you make certain songs only playable on co-op mode? Or make the guitar battle songs only available in single-player combat? Do you know how much I want to play the full version of Devil Went Down to Georgia or Monsters, that song you always play on the loading screen? Don't stop the player from being able to do things. Idiots.

To Rock Band 2: I saw your first twenty downloadable tracks. Seriously, I don't recognize one of them. What makes you think I'm going to buy songs I don't know, much less like. Quit posting no-name bands and entire albums from artists popular in the 80's (and only the 80's). Seriously, don't you have focus testing there? When do you think your core audience was born?

To Wii Music: I haven't played you yet, but I better be able to win by doing more than just wave the wiimote around frantically, like every other Wii game out there.

To everyone: The music game genre is not a way to promote your latest release. I'm not going to by the new Honest Bob & The Factory-to-Dealer Incentives CD because I played it in Guitar Hero. Stop trying.

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