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Monday, November 03, 2008

Things Indiana Jones Can't Do

Things Indiana Jones Can't Do
  • Have a love interest who is the same love interest from a previous adventure

  • Fall in love with said love interest

  • Get married

  • Fight aliens

  • Survive a waterfall drop from heights in the thousands of feet, let alone three

  • Like Ike

  • Be investigated/interrogated by the FBI

  • Have a son

  • Have a son who wandered off the Grease movie lot

  • Go into the undisclosed warehouse where the "top men" are

  • Have triple-agent friends who don't figure into the plot at all

  • Go into temples with load-bearing aliens

  • Reenact the chase from Back to the Future, except with a motorcycle instead of a skateboard

  • Have Shia LeBoueouef (or however it's spelled) show him up

  • Be a grumpy old man, instead of a brash, lovable hero

  • Have his dad die

  • Have the bad guy die in exactly the same way as in the first movie (don't contest it, you know it's the same concept - person tries to seize ultimate power and is melted by the sheer force of that power)

  • Use CGI anything (especially gophers)



Failure to adhere to these rules will result in a movie which is more like some kid's fan fiction of Indiana Jones and the Star Trek Episode.

That is all.

(P.S.: You can't go home again)
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