So critiques on White Mage Story are done for a while. Haven't gotten through many of them, five or so, maybe a quarter of the total. So far, response has been positive. There have not been very many complaints about structure or boredom or confusing points (actually, there are some of that last one, but they usually contradict one another, so most of the time, unless it's repeated, I chalk it up to "reader not paying enough attention", which is legitimate because these people aren't getting paid - I had one person call my novel New Moon Sun).
But there's been one that's been stuck in my craw. One of them said it was predictable. That they knew what was going to happen as soon as Caden and Ruki got onto the caravan. He also gave a quite nice synopsis of what *would be* awesome if happened, and would decrease predictability (except for this guy, who wrote it) So far that's the only time anyone called it predictable, so far.
First, I can't use this ending, because A) I didn't write it and B) it doesn't fit with the original message I wanted to send. I needed to show that being a fighter isn't about swords and armor, it's about courage. And that can be applied in any position. This is what happens when you start with the theme before the story. But this new ending, it might be more fun, more dramatic and tense, but I don't find it any more original.
Second, I shouldn't worry about this. Just look at my last post. I shouldn't be looking at what's predictable, I should be looking at what will sell. What's fun to read. What's interesting. What interests me. And this story interests me. People don't mind predictable, I think.
But it still bothers me. I can totally see someone passing on this story because of the ending is tacky and predictable. Because they knew easily what was coming. The funny part is, I asked people what they expected for an ending, and this is what they wanted. They wanted more conclusion.
Yeah, I think this story will be better as a novel. But for right now, I'm proceding ahead with a short story.