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Friday, January 14, 2011

Things I Have Learned from Watching Anime

  • Hair sweats
  • And it always sweats in one large drop
  • Hair can become injured
  • But it can be repaired by two bandages in the shape of an X
  • In fact, any injury can be repaired by such a method
  • Even on a motor vehicle
  • Larger veins and arteries are perpendicular to each other -- this can be seen when people become very angry
  • These blood vessels also go into the hair
  • Bed rest and a cold compress is an all-purpose healer
  • People have large eyes and small noses
  • And they cry a lot
  • A lot, like more than humanly possible, an amount that would dehydrate a normal person
  • Eventually the world's defense programs will be based on giant fighting robots
  • Which will be necessary when Hell opens up and gigantic demons terrorize the Earth
  • Nosebleeds occur when somebody thinks about naughty things
  • Martial Arts masters have the ability to regenerate limbs
  • You can bleed a lot (I mean, a lot) and not die
  • Bleeding occurs in a spray, not a gush or spurt
  • All groups of friends have some kind of cutesy animal thing mascot
  • No matter what you do, Tokyo is going to be destroyed
  • And will be replaced by Neo-Tokyo, Mega-Tokyo, New Tokyo, Tokyo-2, or some other Tokyo
  • And chances are, that city will get annihilated too
  • Be wary of people, for they hold mallets, and will whack you when you irritate them
  • It's hard to tell the difference between males and females
  • People lose their temper very quickly over very small things
  • Semen glows
  • Demons have enormous genitals
  • Hair comes in three styles: really really long, mop-top, or spikey
  • Losing an appendage or breaking your spinal column is not too big a deal
  • When you sleep, bubbles come out of your nose
  • Pop singers also double as dragon slayers
  • The less you care about sex, the more opportunities you get
  • Inversely, the hornier you are, the more you'll be turned down
  • If it runs around a corner, you've lost it
  • Noses tend to disappear
  • If one person falls on another of the opposite gender, they will land in a "compromising" position
  • Actually if you fall at all, there's a pretty good chance you'll land in a "compromising" position
  • A large ingestion of alcohol produces a small puff of gas to be expelled immediately after swallowing
  • There is always a mysterious organization
  • There are always mysterious powers
  • "Yaoi" is so named because that's what you exclaim as soon as you realize what it is you're watching
  • If a character is a gun fighter, he will, at some point, stare off into space, make a gun with his fingers, and quietly say "bang"
  • Cellar doors, wells, holes in trees, and any other types of dark openings lead to other dimensions, which are generally bad
  • Anybody important is part of the kendo club
  • You cannot smile without closing your eyes, just like you can't sneeze with your eyes open
  • Ignore the strange girl in the pod
  • People getting into college are generally high-strung, schizophrenic, and have problems with panties
  • Samurais fight by running toward each other really fast, jumping in the air, slicing the air, then landing.  Wait five minutes to see which one bleeds to see who won.
  • Writing "idiot" on someone's forehead is a great way to pick up chicks
  • Strange girls of strange origins, like goddesses or androids, are always cute and willing to do your housework
  • Wacky girls have fangs.
  • Serious girls have lazy eyes.
  • Anime doesn't end.  It stops.
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