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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Second Old Man Rant in a Row

I'm not naming names here, but...
I hate to make two crochety old man rants in a row, but half an hour of my life was taken away yesterday by an incompetent "customer service representative" who sounded all of a disaffected female teenager.

Listen up all you big companies: we can tell when you're not being sincere. All this, "I definitely understand your problem." "I can totally sympathize with your problem." "I understand your frustration."

We know you don't give a rip about us. We're just another customer to you. We know that because WE have jobs too and WE deal with faceless customer units all the time too. Customer aren't people, they're customers. They have no history, they have no personal feelings. Oh, they do, but we don't care. We only care about how they interact with our product or service, and then we let them go on their merry way.

But when you try and fake interest in our problem, when you try and pretend that you sincerely understand, we know that you're reading from a script. You're not an actor, you're an employee. So quit trying to be something you're not. We can tell, and it's worse when you try because WE KNOW YOU'RE LYING.

It's like breast implants. Women, don't fool yourselves. Men KNOW when they're implants. Some of us don't care, but we know. You think you need breasts to increase attractiveness, but you're missing the fact that men like breasts of all sizes. Or more specifically, each man likes a different breast size, or various sizes, or doesn't care. Otherwise women with flat chests would never get married, and they'd have phased out by now.

Just an excuse to show boobs
Corporations, please take a hint. Quit telling your CSR's to act like counselors, and tell them to give customers what they want instead. It's like a relationship. My wife wouldn't be happy if I keep telling her "oh, I understand your problem that the children drew on the carpet", and "yes, I see that you're frustrated that I've left the dishes on the counter again." It's meaningless if I do nothing about it, and you can't hide behind policies.
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