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Monday, July 07, 2014

Cinderella's Ending is Bullshit


Am I the only one who realizes that the ending to Cinderella is bullshit? I'm talking about the Disney movie. There's no way that shit would hold up in any court.


You know what happens? Cinderella is the last person in the kingdom. Lady Tremaine trips the bumbling assistant. He stumbles and the glass slipper goes crashing into a million, billion pieces. That should be the end of the story. We can't try the slipper on anyone else.

But then Cinderella says everything's all right. "You see, I have the other one." And they put it on her and it fits and happily ever after.

Why, look at this conveniently duplicated slipper I happen to have with me.

How do they know she didn't have that glass slipper all along? Why couldn't she have her glassmaker friend whip up something, knowing her exact dimensions and slip it to her for a piece of land and a few serfs to be named later? But no one questions it. No one wonders why she has a perfect duplicate of the glass slipper that EVERYONE in the kingdom knows that the prince is looking for. Hasn't the prince ever heard of forgery? There's no better con than the long con.

You know what would work better as a legal defense? Since Cinderella's the last person in the kingdom who hasn't tried on the slipper, by process of elimination, she must be the one.

And by the way, what would this even feel like?  Aren't heels bad enough?  I imagine glass sneakers wouldn't feel very good.

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