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Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Let's Laugh at the Guy Who Doesn't Know Marvel Comics (Part 7)

Kingpin Henchman

What the hell kind of look is this guy going for? He's got a yellow-orange pin-striped suit top and cowboy jeans. Did someone mix and match his top and bottom like a real Lego? I think they were trying to go for some kind of mafioso-Italian chic, but it looks more like "Dad cobbles together a costume with what's left in his closet." It's almost like they were designed to be disposable.

Kraven the Hunter

I think this is one of Spider-Man's enemies, but I seem to recall someone in the B:TAS stalking Batman because he was "the ultimate prey". I find it delightfully ironic that they called this brave hunter-warrior "Kraven". I think it's the traps that get Spider-Man the most, because he could just *thwip* that little spear out of his hand in one second.

Kurse

I think this is supposed to be from Thor: The Dark World, but I don't see a resemblance. He's wearing thick armor like a biker or medieval warrior, but it's painted like a hot dog cart.

Lady Liberty

I'm *assuming* that this is just a play on the game, since you do some fighting in the Statue of Liberty, and there is no Marvel superhero called "Lady Liberty" as in a counterpart to Wonder Woman. Move along.

Laufey

Who the hell is Laufey? Low-Fey? La-u-fee? It looks like he's some kind of Frost Troll, but I've been wrong before. Maybe he was left out of "Lego Lord of the Rings."

Loki

Everyone's favorite woobie. Loki is the half-brother of Thor - born of Odin and a female frost giant (I assume). For all his tricks and traps, at least his motivation's clear - he wants to rule Asgard. He doesn't care who gets hurt in his way, who he has to lie to or manipulate or kill, even if it's his own mother (spoilers).

M.O.D.O.K.

M.O.D.O.K. stands for something, but I forget what. Murder Or Death Or Killing, maybe. I guess he got so smart, his head got too big to support himself and he had to build a futuristic Stephen Hawking chair (ooh, maybe he's Stephen Hawking from the future). Possibly one of the more underused villains, but that's probably because he's A) hard to take seriously B) expensive to make into a special effect.

Magneto

One of the baddest and best villains in the world. You'll find him hanging out with Loki, Red Skull, and Dr. Doom more often than not. But unlike them, Magneto actually has some motivation, since he was raised in a concentration camp and saw firsthand the cruelty of man. And with the way they treat mutants, who wouldn't want to see them crushed beneath you and hearing the lamentations of their women. His control over anything metal makes him easy to underestimate. Consider that nearly anything man-made is metal. He can stop bullets, tear away bridges, turn a stadium into a flying fortress, and manipulate the iron in your blood. Professor X can't read his mind thanks to his Spartan helmet and the best X-Man, Wolverine, is powerless against him.

Magneto Acolyte

As I recall, Magneto runs the "Brotherhood of Evil Mutants", which is a terrible name. Guys, don't put "evil" in your group title. That's a dead giveaway. Despite that, their outfits are keen. Bright, but practical. In the game, each has a minor elemental power -- fire, lightning, or ice -- but I don't think Magneto really has a corps of disposable, identity-less people at his command. There are only so many mutants in the world, after all.

Maria Hill

She's S.H.I.E.L.D.'s girl Friday. The movies make her badass, but all she really does is repeat what the computer says, like Sigourney Weaver in Galaxy Quest. At least she's played by a great actress, but going opposite Samuel L. Jackson would bring anyone to their knees. She needs to get some kind of *thing*, like Amanda Waller or Felicity Smoak.
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